Monday, 15 December 2014

Five Nights at Five Guys

New idea for the next fad video game, Five Nights at Five Guys. You play as a morbidly obese security guard, which is surprise-surprise the reason why you're bound to your chair. You've recently started working for everyones favourite fast food chain Five Guys near the Rockafella Center.  Some say there will one day be a mobility scooter available as DLC, but it is yet to be confirmed.

Your job is to try and not have a heart attack whilst you eat your own weight in burgers.

Some say the building is haunted by children who were murdered by a previous employee who held a grudge against the Five Guys founders, who if you didn't know, are five guys. Barry Goldsmith, Garold Fitzpatrick, Robert Humberbatch, David Attenborough and everyones favourite guy, the drummer from the Beetles.

The murderer was a fat guy, just like the player so the ghosts are taking their microaggressions out on you. They come out during the night with sheets over their heads and tell you how much of an awful person you are and how what you are doing is selfish and that you should think about all the starving children in Africa and other places where Americans don't dare think of.

Honestly this game must be worth at least five stars and will surely spark a fandom and have many many sequels. All while getting kids to eat more Five Guys burgers. Everyones happy.